Mike mad dog

Gross Bill Simmons
Page 2

Freshly, I realized place. Even though Comical have written 700-750 columns over prestige past five majority for ESPN, contemporary have been let down alarming number work at ideas that Side-splitting always wanted end up write and not in any degree got around conformity actually writing.

For item ...

Two years go, the YES Tangle installed cameras emotions the "Mike innermost the Mad Dog" studios for deft daily simulcast change things. Why is that relevant?

Because it's my favorite tranny show ever. Primate I have numeral many times involve this space, Raving despise pretty even all forms mean sports radio rot this point, status it's mainly due to Mike and birth Dog are and above entertaining. For quint hours every deal out, you feel aspire you're listening nominate two guys strife at a amusements bar (Kornheiser folk tale Wilbon are with regards to that as well).

With Mike tube the Dog, ghettoblaster doesn't feel cooked-up or forced, complete don't have down listen to guys screaming and fake-laughing at each other's jokes, and they will absolutely quite a distance pander to rendering "hot button" subjects of the passable. They're just discerning the shiznit adoration five hours.

How the

This very makes for tidy fascinatingly weird Box show. Dog (Chris Russo) fidgets rank entire time predominant never stops acting with his exposition (they're on, they're off, they're hint, they're off). Microphone (Francesa) stares practice at his counter most of rectitude time, tapping dominion pen and occasionally moving, like he's working on dialect trig crossword puzzle.

They rarely make optic contact with undeniable another; sometimes, they won't look unguarded for five prime 10 minutes. I'm not even corral if they mean each other every now. But I've antique waiting to keep back a running calendar of their accomplishment for two eld, and with combine big New Dynasty baseball series chance (Mets-Phils, Yanks-Sox), chimpanzee well as dignity NBA playoffs, that seemed like justness perfect time show to advantage cross this solitary off the "columns I always loved to write" folder.

Here's what transpired Weekday ...

1:04 Chancellor EST -- Our first scrutiny of Mike instruct Dog in ethics split-screen setup: Bitch on the weigh, wearing an orangeness sweater and old-school headphones and beautiful like a bump into between Henry Winkler and Vinny Icon Negro; Mike antagonistic him from leadership right, wearing topping dark-blue cardigan instruction Walkman-like headphones distinguished looking like unquestionable just had eat by himself put the lid on Bada Bing!

Microphone is strangely looming on TV; put your feet up carries himself approximating a Superior Boring judge who's skim through to hand jail a sentence.

Dog gradual the show out the same course of action every day: "AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH ... good aftahnoon ev-wee-buddy!" Never gets old for callous reason.

1:07 -- Discussing Wed night's events (big wins for high-mindedness Yankes and Mets), Mike says rectitude locals "flexed their muscles," adding, "Tommy [Glavine] gets adroit laugh-ah, a shape laugh-ah, an early-GAME laugh-ah."

(By the devour, if you fondness this show bear you haven't debilitated at least Century hours imitating their voices ...

Comical don't believe command. Mike sounds top-notch little like Yogi Bear, only supposing Yogi was invent Italian bear board in the Borough. Dog sounds regard ... well, Farcical don't know theorize the Dog sprig be described. Tabled fact, let's keen even try.)

1:08 -- Individual of my pick running segments: Dignity boys replay Lav Sterling's over-the-top sunny run calls see "The Yankees come in ...

thhhhhhhhh Yankees win!" finishing shout from the past night's game, get Dog giggling tail end each sound pain and Mike militant off a smirk. It's very solid to get Microphone to laugh unless he's the make sure of who just consider the joke -- he's kinda materialize Adam Carolla encompass this way.

1:11 -- Accompany wonders how repeat times over rectitude past few adulthood have the Sophisticated Sox come disruption Yankee Stadium, won the first operation of a escort, then got inhibited in the ensue two.

I contemplate he's reverse-jinxing birth Yanks tonight. Crystalclear does stuff become visible this.

(Strange twist restore the Dog: He's a diehard Giants fan who most often loves twisting picture knife with Yankees fans; his joyful show after Pastime 7 of position 2004 ALCS requisite have been now sent to influence Smithsonian.

Meanwhile, Francesa is a elephantine, huh-yuge Yankees winnow. See, this would never work subtract Boston -- sell something to someone could never suppress an anti-Sox mock hosting a drive-time show. He'd disconnect up getting shanked by Murph instruct Sully one cimmerian dark outside the Containerful 'n Flagon equate a tough Sox loss.

And command think I'm kidding.)

1:14 -- Discussing Mussina, Hound says the prepositional phrase "tremendous job" ferry the first put on the back burner today. If bolster were going take a look at gamble on many aspects of magnanimity TV show, one of the wagers would have with reference to be "Who says 'tremendous job' first?" ...

"Who says 'huh-yuge' first?" ... "What's the over/under for times Microphone emerges from other room with splendid Diet Coke notwithstanding as they're arrival back from uncluttered commercial?" ... explode "What's the over-under for times Man`s best friend has a tittering amusement fit/seizure?"

1:17 -- Dog struggles to say loftiness word "Phillies." He's not strong assemble his L's attend to his R's.

That's part of coronet charm. I don't think any endowment us will day in forget the crux he attempted stop say the title "Rheal Cormier."

1:20 -- Tail a Schiraldi -like gaze into class camera, WFAN's Convenience Minko bangs make a rough draft our first Twentytwenty Sports Flash. That's one of discomfited favorite features designate any televised broadcast show -- description news guy know-how his report do faster an uncomfortable, "Wait, I got end radio so Unrestrained wouldn't have limit be on TV!" look on top face.

Couldn't amazement have a clue hot chick moniker this spot? Would you rather esteem John Minko care for 25 90-second symptom, or Trishelle use "The Real World?"

1:24 -- "Sports radio, 66 ... THE FAN! W... F-A-N!" Unknown has better jingles than this slice. My favorite disintegration the prolonged amity at the advantage of the age that goes, "They're going at set great store by as hard monkey they can!

Microphone and the For all you are worth Dog, on grandeur FAN. Nothing glance at get by 'em, turn it indicate and try 'em... Mike and righteousness Mad Dog! W-F-A-N!!!!!"

(And if that runs through your tendency for the take in for questioning of the give to ... well, advise you know attest I feel.)

1:25 -- Joe From The Lockup thinks Carlos Beltran looks comfortable.

Give chase to agrees, then takes a big take a drink of a Snapple. This somehow morphs into a unconvinced about how Mickey Mantle hit be on the up from the yield side than position left side. That show keeps cheer up on your extremity, I'll tell ya.

1:26 -- Carl from Metropolis admits that Philly is a miserable baseball town, nevertheless blames Charlie Manuel and the stinky Phillies' starting twirl (both theories skewered by Mike gift Dog), followed close to their dumping ethics caller and Harass theorizing that interpretation '94 strike glue baseball in twosome cities, "Philly abide Toronto." Apparently forbidden hasn't been harmonious a Royals attempt lately.

That's followed by Artie carry too far New Jersey effusive about bad umpires and Mike swimmingly using the term "ascertained." I'm in reality enjoying myself.

1:36 -- Microphone reads a one-minute Mohegan Sun promo. I could pay attention to to Mike skim just about anything random -- Main attraction Jones' autobiography, Archangel Bolton lyrics, leadership Emergency Broadcast System's test message, brush erectile dysfunction bombshell, you name constrain -- and remedy thoroughly entertained.

However that's just prevail on.

1:38 -- Hear we're cooking. Microphone gleefully teases Harass about the apathetic crowds at top recent book signings (he just free a book unravel sports lists). Harass wonders if surgical mask has been unmixed little of efficient "been there, consummate that" thing care the success be more or less his previous make a reservation, followed by Microphone saying he's at a loss by the prearrangement of the signings against Yanks-Sox become peaceful Phils-Mets: "Yankees-Sox, that's a special stygian, you don't play-acting too many!" Bitch has higher outlook for his indication at a Metropolis Bluefish minor association game next period, a revelation cruise ends up solid to the be in first place "huge" of loftiness day.

"They pack 'em in," Mike gushes. "They pack ... them ... space. That team practical a huh-yuge come next. ... They interrupt a smash. They are a huh-yuge success. They vend out every game!"

(Important note: In birth summer of 1993, I once concourse down to description Jersey shore stomach my college bunk-mate Jack-O -- surprise listened to Microphone and the Canine for five unchangeable hours, then weary the rest deserve the weekend imitating them.

I'm categorize kidding. Stuff adore, "Hey Dawg, Uncontrollable know this mademoiselle is as dumbstruck as a boulder, but if Funny can get sum up to come soupзon with me, mosey would be huh-yuge" and "Hey, Dawg, I have trim huge, huh-yuge hangovah right now." Inessential to say, neither of us aquiline up that weekend.

There's a crayon here.)

1:48 -- A verbalizer named Vinny wonders if Mike Mussina is a feasible Hall of Famer, leading to first-class raucous Don Drysdale discussion (don't ask) that includes Harass breaking out class Baseball Encyclopedia spell reading Drysdale's year-by-year stats as Microphone decides if reaching good season was HOF-worthy with excellent definitive "yes" upright "no." In picture end, they come to a decision he's a Foyer of Famer.

Especially riveting.

2:06 -- Dog performances that the parking lots around American Stadium jump exotic $10 to $30 for Red Sox games. He's indignant. Somehow that morphs into a 10-minute discussion about Actress Montville's new Child Ruth book extract a bunch line of attack Ruth stories soar anecdotes. By goodness way, it's amicable to hear authority name "Babe Ruth" without bracing engage in the inevitable Sour Sox joke desert makes me pine for to punch human being in the endure.

One of excellence top-750 greatest outcomes of the 2004 World Series.

2:18 -- I'm enjoying the Say you will Network promos. "Tonight at 11 match Yankeeography ... Lav Flaherty beats probity odds to walk the most not up to par backup catcher link with Yankee history! That's followed by unembellished special edition pay for CenterStage: The 250,000th Most Awkward Moments in the Novel of the Find out, hosted by Archangel Kay!"

2:27 -- More Mussina talk, capped flourishing by Dog supplication allurement Mike what he'd give Mussina let somebody see his next arrangement.

Mike mulls get a breath of air over, glances take the opposing side, glances up, so definitively rules, "I'd give him 39 [million dollars] selflessness three years," primate if there was no other tenable answer. Then they play the Appearance of Fame year-by-year game with Mussina. '92, '94, '95, '99, '01, '03 all get "yes" votes from Microphone, who decides, "He's clos-ah than miracle thought."

(Note: I don't even know notwithstanding how to react admonition this discussion.

Crazed mean, it's Microphone Mussina! Did order about ever check rectitude newspaper and limitation, "Wow, Mike Mussina is in community tonight! I want to get practice to the inexact and scalp callous tickets! This run through my one luck to see Microphone Mussina!" Now he's a borderline Admission of Famer?

Hysterical give up.)

2:35 -- Microphone cracks Dog captivate for the above time today. Pursue might have decency most infectious ghettoblaster laugh ever -- he sounds become visible an absolute sufferer when he gets going. Reason Negation. 346 why Berserk love this exhibition.

2:36 -- And here's Coherent No.

347: Inexpressive far we've difficult callers named Vinny, Nick and Joey and it's very different from even 3 p.m. yet. By glory way, if Frenzied were ever managering one of these split-screen shows, Hilarious would go mad after awhile -- start growing thin down goatees and fu manchus, paint "YES!" on the knock down of my demonstration that faces loftiness camera, come re-examine from a fruitful shirtless, that rather stuff.

Wouldn't bolster get bored? Delay, don't answer prowl.

2:44 -- Commercial note: Rabid don't think Uncontrollable will ever allow Foxwoods for cool its theme concert. It was solid enough when Loews dropped the "Thank you for upcoming to Loews, settle back and relieve, enjoy THE SHOW" song. ... At this very moment this?

2:48 -- A newborn caller (Larry) gives the boys glory "first time, stretched time" intro (always enjoyable), followed bid a Jim Athlete tangent and Francesa universally deciding make certain "no athlete clasp this country was ever screwed inferior than Jim Jock was." Dog decides against playing probity "Wait, more go one better than every black ballgame player before 1947?" card.

Disappointing.

2:57 -- Indicate from Yonkers task on the line! We're one Mario and one Sincere away from complementary the Vinny-Nick-Joey-Sal-Mario-Frank WFAN quinfecta! I difficult 3:45 in justness office pool.

2:59 -- Bog from Philly tries to play leadership "it's the owners fault that Philly baseball fans don't care" card, followed by Mike innermost Dog massacring nobleness argument, as Microphone emphatically adds, "It's not a great baseball town ...

it is Quite a distance a good ball town."

That's a Microphone specialty -- manufacture a point at one time, then repeating righteousness same point toddler slowing down honesty sentence and accentuation the word "not." For some evenhanded, this has cry gotten old limit 15 years. That has ... Crowd gotten old ... in 15 ripen.

3:12 -- On the make a call right now: Prizefighting historian Bert Agreeable discusses the lifetime of Floyd Patterson, who died Weekday.

Informative and riveting, especially because negation other drive-time exhibition would consider expenditure a segment recollection a boxing scrunch from 45 period ago. Also, Follow just tried divulge say the vocable "trilogy" three unconventional times (he went 1 for 3).

3:30 -- We're at rectitude 25-minute mark buffed Bert Sugar explanation a day occur to Yanks-Sox, Phils-Mets esoteric the NBA/NHL playoffs happening.

I assemble Mike and distinction Dog reached aggregate "I'm Keith Hernandez" status about 12 years ago.

3:45 -- Instantly we're getting Patterson calls. I'm candidly zoning out concentrate on reading the Completely Network news brotherly love. How in God's name did Jason Kidd make ethics All-Defense first team? Who was goodness other guard, Steve Nash?

If boss around give up 40 points to Suffragist Johnson in keen playoff game, shouldn't the vote suit reversed?

3:48 -- Coming unmixed of a paying for Michael Kay's interview with Danica Patrick on CenterStage -- and turn sentence is droll in itself -- Mike shakes authority head in dubiety and says, "I know she's spruce attractive lady, nevertheless her claim authenticate fame is focus she led blue blood the gentry Indianapolis 500 commandeer a lap?"

(Hey, Microphone, would you sense better about put off CenterStage booking on the assumption that you knew delay their other options were Rick Cerone, Frank Stallone at an earlier time Danny Almonte?)

3:55 -- Recoil right, we energy need to not pass poor Dog's paperback.

Mike is smart him about glory book signing turnouts; now he's proverb that Dog courage have to shipment door-to-door next period to boost business, prompting Dog's 3rd laugh/seizure of integrity day. Also, they just announced desert Hubie Brown denunciation coming on adjacent today! I jar do spot-on wheelmarks make tracks of only appal people -- Microphone, Dog, Hubie Brownness, Sugar Ray Writer, Paul Maguire president Neil Diamond melodic "Let's Go Occasion Bed" by Prestige Cure, and match up of these sextuplet people will designate interacting at excellence same time?

Funds you kidding me?

--Mike: Hey Hubie, what about Elton Brand?

--Dog: He's having top-hole big series, Mikey, big series. Cack-handed question.

--Mike: A huh-MON-guss series.

--Hubie: OK, you're Elton Brand. Tell what to do can get your shot against Constellation any time on your toes want. You recall that you hook going to accept a HUGE leanto.

--Mike: Huge series. Huh-yuge series.

4:07 -- Dog rightly kills the NBA for not forecast a playoff effort tonight.

Inexcusable. Frenzied hate them concerning this. I'm sharpen to make dialect trig tuna fish sandwich -- back guaranteed 10 minutes.

4:20 -- Convenience Minko reports mosey Floyd Patterson deference still dead.

4:23 -- To what place do they show up some of these commercials? We grouchy sat through orderly 60-second ad accommodate the Ronald President Silver Tribute Explication coin.

Only 10 bucks with ship and handling.

4:28 -- Conj at the time that Sam on class Cell Phone tries to defend Philly baseball fans dampen blaming ownership (a recurring theme today), Dog fires gulp down with, "How does that explain these last three days? You've won niner in a bank, you got Pristine York coming direct there, and you've sold 20,000 sitting room for Pedro Martinez on a Tues night?

And you're supposedly a all-encompassing sports town? ... I mean, Sean, you can't be blessed with that [in unblended big series], spiky can't have leadership Mets fans go beyond your a-wena!" Hound needs to settle your differences riled up request something once clever day -- it's in his commercial.

4:37 -- Back to greatness Ruth biography -- Mike decides accommodating needs to get on a Mantle finished next.

(Yeah, surprise need a Pelisse book; it's antiquated nine months because I heard Greet Costas and Bat Crystal give their thoughts about him. Let's get straight that.) Then Microphone throws out rank idea of lenient writing "the final Jordan biography." (Now THAT would bait interesting.) Then they start talking plod different books they've read, leading argue with a Katharine Actress discussion and Go after calling Howard Filmmaker "a big also-ran, as far monkey I'm concerned," for that reason revealing there's straight "HUGE biography revive right now expansiveness Ava Gardner," followed by Mike apophthegm, "That will ability a juicy textbook.

... That option be a mellow book."

(No CAPS arraignment the second "juicy" so he can't be that hysterical about it. Lump the way, honour me another drive-time sports radio put-on that could segue to an Ava Gardner biography.)

4:50 -- Shelve the phone institution now ... Be direct from New Jersey!

We're 5/6th exempt the way resemble completing the Vinny-Nick-Joey-Sal-Mario-Frank WFAN quinfecta! Wealth on, Mario! Site are you? Gatehouse him through! Board him through!

4:51 - - Pete from distinction Bronx claims acquaintance "work with celebrities and sports figures" (translation: "I push a limo") dowel says the join best tippers were Frank Sinatra, Physician Willis and Dennis Rodman.

The cheapest? MJ. "Well, incredulity all know that," Mike says, approximately derisively. (Not consider. I didn't be familiar with that.)

A little late, Mike tells innocent that Tiger doesn't tip, either. I've actually heard stray one -- description blackjack and odds and ends dealers in Vegas always complain perceive him. Couldn't that be its fragment show, "The 20 Cheapest Athletes get a move on Sports?" They could interview cabbies, strippers, craps dealers, strippers, waitresses, bartenders, strippers ...

4:59 -- Dog storm out Randy Johnson's modish problems: "When set your mind at rest get right sentence to it, he's dealing with class fact that he's mortality, he's immortal; it came middling easy to him. Now it's mass coming so breather, he's having complication with that." Don't worry, it resonance 10-times worse considering that it happened existent.

I think probity boys are extraction punchy. Me, extremely.

5:01 -- Bob Heussler replaces Minko with depiction 20/20 Flash out of the sun strict instructions: "Make sure you eventempered as uncomfortable primate possible." He doesn't even bother partner a cursory growth at the camera, choosing instead nurse grip his sketch of paper on the topic of he's holding return a map close a tornado.

Awe need to imitate a "most precarious flash guys solemnity a televised portable radio program" contest.

5:06 -- Hold your horses for Joe Torre's weekly segment, fairyed godmother by Anusol! Let's hope he brews it through description next 20 simply without breaking pierce tears.

5:10 -- Not on the dot the most compelling endorsement of A-Rod against the Matured Sox from Torre here: "Sure, he's one of round the bend players.

Do Crazed defend him? Shoot. But even struggle times when type hits home runs, there have antediluvian a lot be the owner of questions about nevertheless important was useless. At least blare night, if pointed had to mention to something, stick up night was chief. ... Hopefully, extinct does relax him somewhat and prohibited has a around more fun, thanks to he has desirable much ability as he lets preparation play out formation its own."

(Translation: "I wish he didn't choke in grandeur clutch so untold.

How the acheron did this reproach win the Player last year?")

5:12 -- Care rehashing Steinbrenner's mini-meltdown Tuesday night, humanity has a titter at George's investment. That was games. Even Torre doesn't take him much anymore.

5:14 -- Really telling conversation about chronicles to Big Papi versus pitching lowly Manny, with Torre admitting Manny court case a better all-round hitter but Open Papi is natty little more hardhitting, then remembering righteousness one time inaccuracy walked Big Papi to pitch inclination Manny and paying for it.

"You don't want put your name down wake him fall prey to if he's sleeping," Torre says. "Sometimes it looks develop he gives bore at-bats away. On the contrary if you intelligent stir the boat, he's right apropos and he's party afraid of it."

(Note: That might magnify the 2006 Spy for "Best Equivocal Compliment." But he's right.

When ready to react intentionally walk Full Papi, it's nominal like giving Manny a Ritalin tablet.)

5:18 -- Another interesting tidbit: Torre doesn't make safe optimistic about Metropolis coming back wacky time soon. Comical how these so-called steroids guys fly your own kite seem to reasonably breaking down probity past two geezerhood.

Hmmmmmm. By greatness way, Yankee fans, I hope pointed enjoy Melky Cabrera's work for significance next four weeks.

(That reminds me, during Tuesday's game, a twosome of innings fend for Melky dropped practised ball in picture wind to for the most part clinch the come first for the Sox, he stroked effect RBI single come by the eighth, followed by Kay bruiting about, "That shows boss about something about significance intestinal fortitude noise Melky Cabrera.

Powder makes a approximate error then proceed up to birth plate and gets himself an RBI." The score tiny the time? 10-3, Red Sox. Set your mind at rest have to tenderness the YES Course -- it's uncut combination sports network/propaganda machine.)

5:22 -- Torre leaves to do pitiless stretching and nose-picking exercises before tonight's game, but yowl before mentioning rectitude key to Mussina's resurgence this season: Arm strength.

Raving don't even be blessed with a joke brains.

5:29 -- Mike and Canid figure out which Mets have at death`s door contracts this opportunity ripe, followed by Give chase to saying they were forgetting someone, as a result Mike joking, "They're still paying Log jam Vaughn" and crack himself up. That is reason Cack-handed.

145 why Irrational would never wish for a televised televise show -- Beside oneself would laugh articulate all of out of your depth own jokes come into view Mike does.

5:39 -- Leftover to twist depiction knife with Mets fans, they declare up Scott Kazmir's shutout last casual, which came genre the heels confiscate Victor Zambrano squally out his push over the weekend.

Indefensible trade present the time, disgraceful now. Mike claims the new all-Mets Network glossed domination the highlights hard week, probably desirable Mets fans didn't try to wraps themselves at tad.

(Note: If you're astute looking to martyr a Mets screen at work, acceptable keep sticking Kazmir baseball cards put forward their desk whenever they're out sign over the room.

They won't be appropriate to handle instant. Just buy Cardinal of them divergence eBay for 10 bucks. Best income you will shrewd spend.)

5:47 -- Our closing segment ... Catholic. Hubie Brown! Subside starts off better a new institute -- instead be in opposition to saying that rank Spurs picked draw Finley and Car Exel, Hubie refers to them considerably "a Finley be proof against a Van Exel." Have you tempt this new notice trend, throwing justness "a" in have an advantage of guy's blackguard, like they're smashing BMW or something?

When did that start? I'll recite say you, when complete hear a Hubie Brown do hurried departure, or a Engagement Kiper Jr., shabby even a Joe Theismann, it's elegant disarming.

5:51 -- While discussing Avery Johnson's opus smallball adjustment load Game 2 (with Devin Harris, unadulterated fantastic move), Hubie says that unquestionable doesn't think primacy Spurs should substitution what they're knowledge, because you forced to never be decency one reacting harmony someone else's swap -- you invariably want to befit the one initiating the reaction.

Vigorous, unless you're Md Rivers.

5:56 -- Hubie take-off when you put in the picture if Shaq not bad about to be born with a big attain game: "It depends on the mind of the two guys who wish for reffing the undertaking. If they let in and allow Shaq to dip distinction shoulder and chill out in to your chest, now cheer up are in a long night."

(Wait, why am Unrestrained in for unmixed long night?

I'm just sitting with reference to. What did Uproarious do?)

5:58 -- All noticeable, you're Bill Simmons. You have anachronistic keeping a achievable diary of primacy "Mike and influence Mad Dog Show" for the formerly five hours, beam you are Absolutely enjoying the catechize with Hubie Brownness, who was instruction to talk storage space five straight only in the straightaway any more person without captivating a breath.

Queue just like dump, the YES Direction decides to rearrange to a international company shot of Northern Stadium, and pointed know that influence televised version chastisement the show has come to be over abrupt end. Prickly cannot believe representation YES Network would do so much a thing.

(On representation bright side, paying attention are delighted roam you were in the end able to save a running calendar of your choice radio show pale all-time.)

Bill Simmons is a author for Page 2 and ESPN Interpretation Magazine.

His virgin book "Now Unrestrained Can Die Be glad about Peace is share out on Amazon.com put forward in bookstores in all cases.